It’s 1am. I’m on the couch listening to Eras Tour acoustic sets. This is the hour my mind comes alive. I am, by definition, a night owl.
I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t really like what I’ve done with my professional life so far. I’ve spent most of my 20s chasing after a certain type of career only to hit a wall I can’t break. I know, how glass half empty of me. If the glass can be full, then why not have it that way? Why settle for less? My feelings about my professional life are not a revelation if you’ve spent time on this blog. Every night I start dreaming before I even lay my head in bed. I want to do things that sometimes seem out of my reach. Or maybe I’m too scared?
I took one of those personality tests years ago and then again about half a year later as recommended. I won’t tell you what letters were assigned to my “personality”, but turns out that I’m an idealistic person. I could’ve told you this myself when I was eight years old. After the 2008 economic crisis, I was so worried for my parents that I tried to “save” Christmas by selling old newspapers to the local shop. I did sell some newspapers, but the money I made was just enough to buy about a kilo of rice. The equivalent of one US dollar in those times. It turns out they didn’t need my saving. After all, I was only eight years old. But back then I really had this thought that I could and should do it.
In my adult life, every idea I have has to be cross-checked with the fact that I am just an individual. That I don’t need to be the one doing the thing.
When I was 22 I thought I would do big things in my career in the climate world. I was so passionate about saving the planet and this feeling grew once I learned of the energy access statistics: more than half a million people (655 million according to the IEA) lack access to electricity. Most of these are in Africa. On top of that, nearly a billion Africans lack access to clean cooking fuels. These are crazy numbers with all the technology (solar and whatnot) and money available in the continent.
Therefore, a few years ago I convinced myself that I would and should working in the energy access space. I even wrote my master’s thesis on energy access in Tanzania, where I’m from. For years, I had been putting together a list of any organisations out there doing this kind of work. I was prepared, or so I thought.
This week, I did the McKinsey game “Solve” which is the first step in their recruitment process after submitting an application. Last week, I was aimlessly checking for open positions at other big-name consultancies and some questionable companies. I would’ve judged myself harshly just a year ago. I was invited to do the McKinsey “game” in January 2025 because I had applied for a position and didn’t end up doing the “game” because I felt that it was too much work for a job at a company that I didn’t exactly align with. I wouldn’t say I feel aligned today, but I like to get paid and I hear the money is good there. If anyone at McKinsey is reading this, let’s get in touch. I need a referral, please.
And every time I think of salaries I’m reminded of an entry-level job I applied for in late 2024 at a very well-known international climate NGO that I won’t name. The application demanded a CV, cover letter, a master’s education and experience. The before tax salary was to be under 35,000 euros. In this economy?! Unfortunately this isn’t even unusual in the climate NGO world.
So I sit here at 1am wondering where my newly acquired perspective on professional pursuits will lead me to. I’m still applying for jobs that I used to dream of but I’m not 22-year-old Nibwene anymore who might have believed that it is completely fine to work for a high profile organisation for what is just a few steps from minimum wage, as long as it was for the cause.
Lately, I’ve been watching (not bingeing) Babylon Berlin on ARD. I never got into it for some reason but maybe it was for the best because now I can watch it in German and easily grasp about 97% of what’s being said (I made up this number, but you know that. I was born in 1997). It’s interesting because I’ve noticed some idealistic characters in it who are trying their best to protect democracy as society descends into Nazism. What I can say is that the country was cooked back then. Nazis or otherwise, there was no chance for the Weimar Republic from how I see it.
This is what it feels like with the climate stuff at the moment. Heat waves, droughts, wildfires, unusual weather patterns, climate skeptic heads of state, “refine baby, refine” (that’s my article; you should read that), etc. It’s quite literally going down. So, perhaps a job in the space because one is passionate or whatever would be too much for an individual, especially when one has to endure a lot of disappointment and depression over a long period just to get that one job.
the writing nib 